I feel like I'm breaking down.
I don't know how to deal with whats happening around me.
Maybe I should have seen that counselor more then I did.
I wounder if this is all streaming from my PTSD?
No I'm not a hypochondriac.
I've have a few traumatic experiences I my life time.
I honestly think I need help and I don't know where to find it.
I can't even look at my spouse sometimes do to my problems.
I feel so twisted and torn inside from dragging him into it.
I've lost friends and had to lie to my family every day.
Nightmares are rampant.
Lack of sleep is eating away at me.
I can't function in life as I normally did before hand.
Perhaps me writing my thoughts out will help me.
Right now trying to get sex noise of strangers out of my mind by blasting loud music through headphones.
Hoping mother goes to bed soon so I can clear my mind with art.
Painting sounds lovely.
However the silence will just make me regress into this state of panic I'm in currently.
Maybe I should not paint and soak up some useless shows.
No that also gives me time to think.
What can I do to keep my mind busy for days at a time?
Suggestions?
Writing is helping or maybe its the movie.
I know crying in the car did nothing.
Nor did the ignition key to my temple.
Nothing like explaining why my head is all bloody to my father.
"oh I was having a massive panic attack and started harming myself in hopes it would take the pain away for a mere moment so I could drive home in a fit."
Yes that sounds completely reasonable.
Probably not.
I'm going to try and sleep with loud music on.
An understatement is about to happen.
This is going to be one very long night.